The Tragedy at Virginia Tech

I wrote this blog earlier during the week for my profile on myspace and thought I would post here, also:

The title of this blog is just that. I sit and try to come up with a title that describes my blogs or adds character. But what kind of character can you add to such a senseless tragedy.

I have always had a tender heart for people who experience such tragedy. Not because I can relate in any way but I guess just because God made my heart that way.

I remember sitting in my room as a little girl watching the tragedy of the California earthquake that killed so many on the bridge and just crying myself to sleep. Thinking about all the mamas and daddies that would not come home to their children. And thinking about the children that would not have their mama and daddies. I hurt for the children because I, too, was a child and couldn't bear the thought of loosing my parents. For awhile I asked my parents not to cross any bridges while traveling to and from work. This remains in my memory so vividly.

I remember watching beaten and bruised POW's from the Gulf War being televised by the Iraqi's as a prized trophy for all the world to see. I cried for their children that might have been watching their daddies or had parents fighting for me. I, too, had a daddy and couldn't imagine if that might have been he.

I remember watching the tragedy of 9-11 unfold, and once again crying myself to sleep. I was still that "little girl" only grown up and living in a much more realistic grown up world. In the bittersweet of growing up, I learned more about the realities of life. And for this tragedy I learned that I would grieve for new and different reasons. I grieved and cried for the victims' families. I still had parents so I grieved for the sons and daughters who lost their parents and again couldn't imagine that happening to mine. But for the first time, I grieved as a spouse. I had only been married about 9 months and found myself grieving in a new way. I grieved for the wives, husbands and fiances that lost the love of their life. I couldn't imagine if that had happened to JB. My heart hurt in a new way and I realized just how much you can loose in this grown up world.

In the wake of this tragedy, I find myself once again grieving as I did as a little girl, yet still in a grown up world. And again, I have realized and felt a different kind of hurt. One that I hope to never experience. One that would be the most tragic and most devastating of all. One that would wound the very core of my heart and life. I now grieve as a mother. My heart grieves and breaks for all the parents that received a phone call no parent would ever want. The phone call that ended the hugs, kisses, hopes and plans these parents had for their children. The phone call that delivered the worst of humanity and wounded the very core of their heart. And beyond the phone call, comes the actual heartbreak, a break that can never be fully healed, comes grief that will never fully end and the reality of loss that no words can ever describe.

I myself will soon have to send my children off to school one day, just like these parents did. They knew that this world is unsafe but never imagining they would have to experience the reality of this. Praying that their children will make the right decisions while away from the safety of their wings. Never imagining, I'm sure, that their life would end the way it did.

Now as I grieve as a mom, I realize more that life is not in my control. And that is the scariest thought I could have as a parent. We want to protect our children under our wings and to know that we will not always be able to do this gives me the most helpless feeling I have ever had. I also realize that I cannot always control what others do to my children. I love them so much and this tragedy only reveals the intensity of that love.

I also truly grieve for the parents of the shooter. What parents want their child to commit such an act and then to be remembered by it. His parents are also grieving. Possibly wondering what they did wrong or what they could have done. They, too, now have a tragic life to live. One, I'm sure they never thought they would have to experience.

Despite all the tragedy in this world, I could not end this blog without acknowleding that I find peace in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I don't have all the answers and I never will, but I know that God is God and I am not. He is still in control and He already knew all that has happened in this world and He knows the future. Some wonder why He doesn't "stop" it and why He allows it. I wonder the same, but I know that my mere wondering is far less than His control. He is more than I can comprehend. The best way to describe him that I have seen, is shown in the video on my profile. We live in a fallen world and because of that we sometimes suffer from other's sin. My most consistent prayer is that my children come to know Christ at an early age. Therefore, if God chooses to take them home before me..I at least have the assurance that there is eternity with them--which is far longer and better than life on this earth could ever offer.
Until next time, HB