Trying to Find God's Will...

JB and I are at the most difficult time we have ever been in our married life. His commission job has been minimal to say the least. We are maintaining but he comes home so discouraged, frustrated and just tired. He works 10 hours days with nothing to show for it.

To put it in perspective, he has to sell $20,000 worth of furniture a week to maintain our living situation. And we live the most simply that we can. Our cars are paid for, his is 10 years old with 150,000 miles while mine 7 years old with 75,000 miles. We live in a 1500 square feet house...one of the smallest in our city. It's over 30 years old. Most of our furniture is handed down with the exception of our 2 couches and the boys' bed. Needless to say we would like new furniture.

JB has a job opportunity to go back to Trustmark as a Branch Manager. While this opportunity is prime at best, the location is not. This would relocate us to Greenville. While the opportunity is one many would love in this economy, it has our hearts torn.

God has continued to open doors for this job but there are other facets of this move that are so unclear and uncertain. The living situation in Greenville is not necessarily the best especially compared to where we live now. We have such a fear of getting up their and getting trapped. The housing market is not moving at all in either locations but especially in Greenville. You know, people are not just flocking to move to Greenville.

As for the job, we can't find a negative aspect about it. The people he has met at the Branch have been the nicest. They have all been there 5 years or more. Very stable branch and employees. A manager's dream.

While the salary is not what he asked for, it is acceptable. The benefits far out way what he has now. Insurance is better, vacation is better (compared to the none he has now), the hours are so much better (the branch closes at 4 except on Fridays and he wouldn't have to work Saturdays). The boys miss him and are so confused as to when daddy will be home. So when reflecting on the actual job and its benefits, you couldn't ask for better, especially during this economy.

He has applied to 10 different companies here in the metro area. None have responded even with a phone call to thank him for his interest. Most jobs are either "frozen" or being eliminated. Trustmark is the only company that has responded with the only door that has been opened. However, the living situation is just not as positive and clear cut. There is a slight possible chance of going to a public school if we live right outside of Greenville. If we live within Greenville, private is the only option.

After several visits to Greenville, we had to give our final decision today. JB came to me this morning with tears saying that he just couldn't do it. He just couldn't move us up there with the living situation being so uncertain. He hated to pass up a great job opportunity but the uncertainty of living out burdened the opportunity of this job.

He has been off today so he called the HR rep he has been working with and told her that he respectfully declined. He hung up with a feeling of "did I just pass up God's will for us". But we said that we made the decision and we can't look back. We will just start praying for God to bless the decision that we made and look forward to His future will.

Well, wouldn't you know that 2 hours later, she called JB back and said that they really want him there and she wanted him to think about it 2 more days. Now we are asking if this is God's 2nd chance to follow his will and to take that extreme leap of faith that the housing and living will be taken of. It's easy to think He will but it's always hard to believe it. It will truly be the biggest step of faith we have ever had to take in our married life.

This situation is definitely testing our trust in God and ability to hand our burdens and control over to him. Either way, we have to trust him...whether we stay here or move. We certainly don't want to be a missionary (in the sense of the word) that asks God to open doors and lead us to a better job opportunity only to limit him as to where we are willing to go. Another words, we don't want to say, "here we are send us"...but just not to Greenville. Understand?

Regardless of what we decide, I am most proud of my husband. He takes great pride in providing for his family. He doesn't expect our parents to take up the slack where we lack, he doesn't expect for life to be handed to him. He works hard with a work ethic that any wife and employer should be proud of.

When I married him, I vowed for richer or for poorer, well here we are. I am committed to that vow and wouldn't have it any other way. As a wife, I am to support my husband even when during uncertainty and there is no one else I would rather take this journey with. I love him as a husband, as a father to our boys and as my best friend.

Thanks to those that have supported us during this time. While you can't make the decision for us, you have certainly helped with your kind words and prayers.

My parents weren't too keen on the idea at first, understandably so. But they have become the best parents during this situation. My mom and dad have given such encouraging words and love. I wish I could only have the words to express what that has meant to me. I guess if you could see my heart when I think about their love for us, only then would you be able to understand.

I am 32 years old. I have lived here for those 32 years. I would be leaving all that I know about living in this state. I would be leaving the only support that I have while rearing my boys. But my parents' blessing and support has made this so much easier and will certainly make it easier to come home.

So please pray that we will see his will clearly and that we will have the utmost faith needed to follow it. It is a hard decision and one that ways on JB greatly. We have become emotionally tired of having this "hang" over our heads for the past 2 months.

Until next time, HB