Wow, it's been awhile since I blogged. And looking back, my last blog was about a blessing not knowing how many I had coming in the months ahead.
I fully believe that the following story I give was and still is God's plan for me. Some may question the whole "God thing" and his ultimate plan for our lives. And I would be lying if I said I didn't question it myself and I know I will again when future uncomfortable, unplanned situations occur. But instead of constantly questioning and tormenting myself with no "human" answer, I choose to have faith that His plan is perfect for me. That His plan has a purpose whether I eventually know what it is or not. And while I loathe not having control of my life at certain times, I couldn't live without Him nor could I plan my life like I think I can or like I think I want to. In reality, I can't plan supper some days, what makes me think I can plan my life. If I planned my life, I would never grow, never grow spiritually, never grow to love deeper, never grow to experience the love, peace, and joy Christ has for me through him. And though sometimes that growth comes from heartache, trials and circumstances that,we at the time don't understand, nonetheless, at the end of it, we have grown to experience the love of Christ that we otherwise would not have known. And that love is far beyond physical care. This past circumstance has taught me that more than other times in my life.
Most of the people who read this already know about our recent circumstances and trials via Facebook so I am not going to elaborate too much about it but will do a brief recap for those who don't keep up with me on Facebook.
Dec. 9th, I had a routine breast reduction in effort to eliminate some ongoing shoulder and neck pain. While the surgery itself was no problem, I would learn a week and a half later that I contracted MRSA from the surgery. It's the recovery of the MRSA that has been anything but routine. Dec. 21st, I was admitted to the hospital for what I thought would be a few nights of IV antibiotics and I would be home in time for Christmas with my family. But that wasn't God's plan. Instead I would spend the next 3 weeks (21 days) recovering. During those 21 days there were many set backs that included a blood clot, 3 surgeries, 2 'minor' surgical procedures, a host of antibiotics that would have to be interchanged due to the medical problems each caused and a multitude of IV issues that went from a typical IV in my hand, to a PICC line, to finally a central line in my neck. I would see my boys about every other day for about 30 minutes and spend some nights and days by myself. I was confined to the same room for most of those 21 days meaning I couldn't even walk the halls for a change of scenery or for exercise due to the nature of the illness. I went from 2 doctors to a medical team that would include wound care specialists, infectious disease doctor and my surgeon. With each surgery, an incision had to be reopened and kept open only to be packed with a wound vac. When removing the pockets of infection that were forming, the infected tissue and the tissue surrounding the infection had to be removed, thus leaving 'cavities' that had to be filled with the regrowth of new tissue. So, until those 3 cavities were filled they had to be manually packed to help support the healing. This would allow for me to heal inside out without any surgical procedure to close the incisions back up. So, when I was finally discharged the orders were to continue 'wound care' 3 times a week at the hospital which meant I couldn't go home to Greenville with my family. Well, I guess I could have but that would have put me traveling 6 hours a day 3 days a week. We thought it best that I stay with my parents and have the boys back in Greenville so that they can continue their school and be in their routine. Plus, I was in no physical health to take care of them at the time I was discharged.
To the day of this blog, I am still continuing my wound care 3 times a week, still staying with my parents and visiting with my boys (all 3) on the weekends and I have had to temporarily close my business.
But more impressive than the ordeal I just mentioned above are the blessings that I have received from it. God showed his love in so many ways that I otherwise may not have experienced. I experienced the power of hundreds praying for me. I experienced the real love of friends. I experienced the innocent prayers of children praying for me with the faith of a mustard seed and a faith that moves mountains. I experienced God's healing power working through the hands of 2 amazing people, my surgeon and wound care nurse; care that has gone beyond physical healing. I have experienced the innocent love of my children that isn't necessarily shown in the day to day rut and routine we tend to live in. I experienced the love that encompasses 'in sickness and in health' from my husband. (This story deserves a blog of its own for a later time). And a unique call from someone in Georgia that I had only known via email. In a series of circumstances that only God could have orchestrated, she some how found a way to call me. She will never know what a blessing her call was and the love of Christ she showed meant to me. You see, these blessing are gifts from God that he gives his children for us to more deeply know that he is God and that he loves us more than we can fathom in our human minds.
I have to be honest, I wasn't the most spiritual patient during this whole ordeal. There were times I didn't even know what to pray. I didn't even want to pray and while I knew in my mind that God was in control and that he had not forsaken me, I didn't always feel it. I have been on an emotional roller coaster that I will be glad when the ride is over. But despite my human faults that never changed how God cared, loved and took care of me. He continued to pour out his blessings even though I didn't always recognize them, even though I wasn't always grateful for them and even though I didn't always show the faith the He so deserved because He is a God that loves unconditionally beyond my human, sinful nature and He sent his son to die for me and every other human to prove it.
In all the physical pain and the emotional pain that I experience and still experience, God's love for me goes beyond physical healing and that is the greatest blessing of all.
