Balancing Your Life

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.”~Barbara De Angelis

I'm sure I am "preaching to the choir" when I speak of this subject. I know I am amongst many moms, both working and stay home moms, when I talk about the struggle of balancing your life.

There are days that this struggle just doesn't seem so hard than there are days that it's the hardest to fight. Some moms feel the need to volunteer and participate to some degree in most if not all of their children's activities. Meaning (and understandably so), they feel the need to be apart of the activity instead of sitting back and watching.

Although, my children are not at the age of "outside the home" activities, I find myself struggling with activities inside my home. When I became a SAHM (stay at home mom), I found myself yearning for something more. A hobby, a goal, an interest that allowed me to do more than wipe booties and noses. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to be able to stay home, regardless of the many, many sacrifices that we have had to make. And I would rather be the one to wipe those little booties and noses. However, there is apart of me that enjoys being creative and accomplishing other goals that are "mine and mine alone". It's an outlet for me. It allows me to be someone other than Momma, wife, friend, daughter, sister...it is allows me to be Me.

Here is the struggle. When I take time to do my activities (monogramming, reading, exercising, blogging, etc.), I have to sacrifice time from my family. If I focus only on my desires, hobbies, and projects during the day my children and housework suffer leaving a feeling of guilt that tends to take away the enjoyment of my hobbies.

When I partake in my projects when JB gets home (leaving him to watch the boys), the supper doesn't get cook and I give up family time...all 4 of us playing together. When I partake in my projects after the boys go down for bed, then I sacrifice spending time with my husband.

And for me, trying to balance all this time is a hard, emotional struggle. I wrestle with just quitting all my projects (monogramming, reading, exercising, blogging, etc). In doing this, I am able to devote more time to God, family and household chores, respectfully. I release all feelings of guilt, in that, our house is not neglected, the TV is not babysitting my children as I try to get a few monogramming projects done, and my husband gets the time he deserves. I don't go to bed with dread of waking up to a dirty, messed up house that I was not able to get to the day before. My dirty and clean clothes will not lay in ruins on the floor of the laundry room, bedroom and den. My dishes won't be piled to ceiling waiting for JB to take care of them. And furthermore, JB would come home to cleaner more organized house after a hard day at work, which is what hard working husbands deserve, righ?

However, if I give up all my projects, I sacrifice time to and for myself. I enjoy coming back to my sewing room after everyone has gone to bed. All is quiet...no phones are ringing, the dog is not barking at every movement outside the front door, no children are screaming for the same toy or from aggravating each other, no Dora, Diego, Backyardigans, Wonder Pets and all other annoying children's shows are blaring in the background, no one is competing for my attention, I am able to focus on what I enjoy doing for myself. When I am focused on my fun projects it rejuvenates me, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, it allows me to be creative, it's relaxing even when it can be time sensitive, and it gives me a challenge that only I can conquer.

Some suggest putting the boys in a MMO (mother's morning out program). I would love nothing more than to be able, however, we just cannot afford it at this time. Most programs are not sensitive to multiple placements in that they don't give discounts for multiples. And those that are less expensive (yet still costly) are usually only 3 hours for 2 days a week. Now this may sound picky, but after you get yourself dressed, 2 toddlers dressed, driving time to the facility...3 hours is just not that much time to get all that needs to be done. Moms use MMO time to take of household needs, her needs, and anything else that comes up. 3 hours can't even guarantee enough time for a doctor's appointment much less an appointment plus any of the following that may need to be taken care of...grocery shopping, haircut, and cleaning house, shopping, etc.

And weekends are no longer a refuge for rest and relaxation. We find that just about all our weekends are scheduled with something leaving no rest for the weary and not much time for our family of 4 to just spend together. Mondays are spent recuperating from busy weekends.

So back to the reason for writing this blog, it's a struggle to balance and we haven't even begun outside the home activities. The only conclusion that I am able to rationalize is that this is just the way our life is at this point in time. It may get better or it may get more complicated, but I don't think the struggle ever becomes easy.

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.” ~Brian Tracy

Until next time, HB