If only my Lap Grew Too

As my boys get bigger, my lap gets smaller. And to come to the realization of this can leave such a plethora of bittersweet emotions. They are becoming more and more independent yet still rely on JB and me as life support. As exciting as it is see them grow daily and to experience the new activities of each stage, it's still hard to realize that as these new activities and independence come along, dependence from their parents begins to diminish.

CB is beginning to recognize sports and the athleticism it brings. He loves to hit a baseball, kick a football and soccer ball, shoot a basketball, swing a golf club and tennis racket, he loves to pretend to swim in the tub. And in his little world, he thinks he is the greatest when he yells, "Yeah! Chistian!" when he's accomplished the purpose of all these sports. (yes, I meant to leave the 'r' out).

BB is realizing the praise he gets from being a big helper. "I help, Mommy!" with the dishes, putting up clothes, vacuuming, dusting, wiping the toilet seat after the "sprinkle when you tinkle", putting his dishes in the sink and any other opportunity that may arise that he sees he can help.

Yet with all these independent activities, they still occasionally want to sit in my lap. And the reality is, my lap is getting smaller. With bittersweet tears, I realize that the smaller my lap gets, the bigger and more independent they get and that their innocence begins to be violated. I look at my boys now and relish in the moments that they don't yet know the pain & hurt this world gives, the corruption it glorifies, the loss of innocence it can sometimes force.

As a social worker, I heard and became aware of some of the greatest evils this world has. I worked at a residential children's home that nurtured abused and neglected children. But it wasn't until I became a Mamma that I realized the emotional reality of a child's innocence and the loss thereof. I read and hear daily evils that corrupt the innocence of our children and grieve that one day my children will be exposed and in some way effected either directly or indirectly.

And when they are exposed, I wish my lap would be big enough for them sit in. I know physically that will not always be possible. But, I pray daily that my "emotional" lap of hugs, comfort, security and safety will never become too small but will always grow to be as big as it is needed.

JB and I pray diligently every night that our boys come to know Jesus as their Savior at a young age. We pray that God will guide us to "Train them in the way they should go" and pray that they will not depart from it. As I like to be in control, I know I will not always be able to control what they do. They will have to decide who controls their will, God or Satan. My prayer is that they choose God.

Until next time, I'll cherish the size of my lap and the 2 boys it can hold at this very moment, HB